Venting Thread, or FML!

[QueenBex]

I'm so sorry Stitchingmama, that's heartbreaking, my thoughts are with you.

Storms are really worrying me, stay safe everyone!

Damn annoying to have to have surgery so close after giving birth, but hopefully it's a quick recovery.





I don't have as many panic attacks as I used to, but when I do they are usually mild these days.
Not today. I panicked, I couldn't breath, I got light headed, but I wasn't stopping, I rushed from room to room like I do with bad panic attacks. Had to hit myself over the head to calm myself down enough to breath. Then I cried, harder then I have done in a long time and I could feel the panic rising again, I could hear the screams in my head, so I got out the knife.


Now I feel stupid. But I can still sense it there in the background, a predatory beast, skulking and waiting to pounce. I am afraid. I go forward, I go back. But I don't want to go so far back I can't return. I don't want that beast to win.
I hate myself for being so stupid, so weak, so pathetic, so cowardly.

[LinkIsMyHomeboy]

@LinkIsMyHomeboy: That sounds bad. Do you have any friends or family nearby that can help you out?

Yes, family will be able to help out. I just feel like we've needed so much from them lately. Help with my son, help because of the power being out, now more help with the baby and help with me. I just feel like an absolute burden lately :/

Damn annoying to have to have surgery so close after giving birth, but hopefully it's a quick recovery.

Yes, very annoying. And seeing how my luck is lately, I'm hoping for a quick recovery, but definitely not expecting it.

[LinkIsMyHomeboy]

I don't have as many panic attacks as I used to, but when I do they are usually mild these days.
Not today. I panicked, I couldn't breath, I got light headed, but I wasn't stopping, I rushed from room to room like I do with bad panic attacks. Had to hit myself over the head to calm myself down enough to breath. Then I cried, harder then I have done in a long time and I could feel the panic rising again, I could hear the screams in my head, so I got out the knife.


Now I feel stupid. But I can still sense it there in the background, a predatory beast, skulking and waiting to pounce. I am afraid. I go forward, I go back. But I don't want to go so far back I can't return. I don't want that beast to win.
I hate myself for being so stupid, so weak, so pathetic, so cowardly.

You are not stupid, weak, pathetic or cowardly. A relapse is nothing to be ashamed over. Self-harm is an addiction just like alcohol or drugs...slip-ups will happen. Just need to analyze what happened and learn from it. You know how to reach me if you need to talk, QB. Here or otherwise. Keep your head up. You're doing just fine. <3

[blackmageheart]

Yes, family will be able to help out. I just feel like we've needed so much from them lately. Help with my son, help because of the power being out, now more help with the baby and help with me. I just feel like an absolute burden lately :/

Never, ever think that you are a burden. I know things seem overwhelming, especially since you're a new mother, but it is ok to ask for help. That's what family is for! And I'm sure they will love the extra time with Link. You focus on getting yourself sorted out and healed up quickly.


QB, don't punish yourself for a setback. You're still doing very well, in my opinion. I won't quote all of what you said, because I only want you to focus on one part:

I don't want that beast to win.

This says to me, Bex hasn't given up. By not giving up, you can never be described as a coward, pathetic, weak or stupid - you are in fact brave, admirable, strong and intelligent. And don't forget we are here for you, always! <3

[stitchingmama]

My six year old son broke his arm and had to have surgery today. My first day back to work after being on sick leave for 1 week & I had to go in while we waited for the surgeon. The surgeon insisted they operate right way at so I ended up working only 5 hours. He'll need a follow up surgery too!

To all of you with the worst month ever I can only imagine that August has to be amazing.

[Aegidia]

*sigh* Bad back-ache for 5 days, now skin there is getting red and sore, doctor can't see me until Friday, other doctors here either don't speak my language (and my French is not good enough to have conversations about medical issues!) or don't take new patients. Can't sleep well because lying down hurts. Also found out it's not easy to craft standing up.

[Aegidia]

A coworker was recently diagnosed with cancer Good news: I work in a hospital and through our connections, she got the best help available in the country faster than anyone else (she is support staff/admin, not in the medical field herself). The bad news: This form of cancer is very dangerous, very aggressive, and we all feel awful knowing how bad her odds are when she herself doesn't. Her oncologist is keeping it optimistic and deflected her questions about life expectancy and survival rate - as is usual in this field, because who wants to tell a patient "We'll try, but just to warn you the 5 year survival rate is abysmal." ?

[Mishatu]

I don't know if I can do this any more. Every time I try to smile and take what life throws at me, it throws me something even more impossible. Early this week, my Fitbit went missing. I'm still hoping that it's hiding in my bedcovers somewhere, and that I'll find it when I go to wash the sheets next. Also, I went to make pasta, and I only discovered the sink was closed off after I drained the scalding hot water into it. In that same meal, I learned that my parmesan was expired, which was why it didn't taste as good as usual, and then parts of my pasta weren't even fully cooked.

Yesterday, I went to make macaroni and cheese (yes, I have a pasta addiction, but that's not what I'm talking about today), and discovered that my strainer was missing. I looked absolutely everywhere I could think in the kitchen, plus a bit in the living room and my bedroom. My roommate has not seen it, either. So great. Now I have to do shenanigans if I want to drain my pasta. Plus, I had an online quiz due covering material we haven't touched in class for, oh, 18 months. So I spent an hour on a 12 question quiz looking over past notes to try and figure out what they wanted. And half the questions had about 5 different possible answers, or none at all. I really don't know what they were thinking >.>

For most of this week, the internet's been vanishing for about an hour each morning, not even at the same time each day. It's not happened these last 2 days, but I'm not holding my breath that it'll stay that way. Makes it really hard to do the yoga videos that I have bookmarked online

And today. Today has just been flarping horrible, and it's not even lunch time. I had an exam this morning that I was feeling rather confident about, but when I started taking it, everything went out the window. After I finally finished it, I exited the software so I could turn the internet back on and submit it, but it did not want to cooperate. I got to sit there for at least a solid 5 minutes, freaking out because my iPad wasn't working and praying that rebooting it wouldn't nullify my exam results (let's face it, technology does weird things, and I never know what's going to happen). Fortunately, it did reboot properly and I did get my exam submitted with plenty of time to spare.

And then there was a day this week where I overslept, so that's been great for the stress. But I was still up and about to make it to class in time, so I'm only counting it as a minor bad thing.

A week back to school, and I'm all ready to hit things with a bat. My migraines are coming more frequently, and I really just want to curl up and cry. I so desperately want to skip the rest of my lectures today and call off work, but I have to retain some semblance of normalcy. And normally I can find something positive about these situations, but this time I really can't. And if the first week is this bad, how am I going to survive the rest of the semester?

[SheWhoRoars]

I've just been so flipping stressed. I go back to school in a week or so, and because of some sub-par grades my first two semesters, I've lost my school scholarships, plus with my dad's new job, I don't qualify for my pel grant. But I retook a class this summer to try to get my gpa up, but it's twice as fast as it normally would be and so I'm stressing hardcore about all of those things. Plus because of grades, there's a credit cap for me, and I can only take 12. So I decided to try to pick up another job in addition to the one I'll be working for my apartment complex, but I've never made a resume before and I have no idea what all needs to go on it, and that's really stressing me out. I'm really just stressing about like everything possible. One of my best friends isn't talking to me (pretty sure that one is my fault though, but I still wish he'd talk to me) and when I go back out to school, I'm only going to have one, maybe two friends. All my friends are getting married and I can't go to any weddings.

That brings me to another point of frustration. Recently, the fact that I'm asexual has really been getting on my nerves. It's like, I don't want to be all full of these hormones, but I would like to understand why it's like nothing processes the way it does in normal people. If I could just understand whether something was wrong with me, or if it's just the way I am, maybe I would feel better. I'm just confused about so many things, and I'd really just like an older, mature Ace to talk to and try to sort some stuff out, but heaven knows I can't find one of those. My own mother just keeps commenting on how I must've picked up negative information from school, and how I'll feel different when I find someone I love, and it's just really annoying me that there isn't really anyone in my life to discuss this with. If I was bi or a lesbian, I'd have people, but no one like me, nooo.

And I'm really frustrated with my art, recently. I'm trying to paint things with the idea that a year from now, I'll be setting up at an art show to sell things and try to pay my way through college. I have ideas for what I want to do, but sometimes I think they might be a little too.... different to sell things. So I've been battling with wondering whether I should embrace my personal style of very traditional and almost light and willowy with a general twist of something to make you feel a little unsettled, and try to see if that sells, or if I should make my style less unsettling and more sellable. Because I want to sell, but I'd also love to eventually do commissions, and by loved for what I can do, versus what I've made myself do.

Overall, I'm just so stressed I could cry and have been watching a documentary on the ocean while stitching to try to calm myself down. It isn't working.

[carand88]

I've just been so flipping stressed. I go back to school in a week or so, and because of some sub-par grades my first two semesters, I've lost my school scholarships, plus with my dad's new job, I don't qualify for my pel grant. But I retook a class this summer to try to get my gpa up, but it's twice as fast as it normally would be and so I'm stressing hardcore about all of those things. Plus because of grades, there's a credit cap for me, and I can only take 12. So I decided to try to pick up another job in addition to the one I'll be working for my apartment complex, but I've never made a resume before and I have no idea what all needs to go on it, and that's really stressing me out. I'm really just stressing about like everything possible. One of my best friends isn't talking to me (pretty sure that one is my fault though, but I still wish he'd talk to me) and when I go back out to school, I'm only going to have one, maybe two friends. All my friends are getting married and I can't go to any weddings.

That brings me to another point of frustration. Recently, the fact that I'm asexual has really been getting on my nerves. It's like, I don't want to be all full of these hormones, but I would like to understand why it's like nothing processes the way it does in normal people. If I could just understand whether something was wrong with me, or if it's just the way I am, maybe I would feel better. I'm just confused about so many things, and I'd really just like an older, mature Ace to talk to and try to sort some stuff out, but heaven knows I can't find one of those. My own mother just keeps commenting on how I must've picked up negative information from school, and how I'll feel different when I find someone I love, and it's just really annoying me that there isn't really anyone in my life to discuss this with. If I was bi or a lesbian, I'd have people, but no one like me, nooo.

And I'm really frustrated with my art, recently. I'm trying to paint things with the idea that a year from now, I'll be setting up at an art show to sell things and try to pay my way through college. I have ideas for what I want to do, but sometimes I think they might be a little too.... different to sell things. So I've been battling with wondering whether I should embrace my personal style of very traditional and almost light and willowy with a general twist of something to make you feel a little unsettled, and try to see if that sells, or if I should make my style less unsettling and more sellable. Because I want to sell, but I'd also love to eventually do commissions, and by loved for what I can do, versus what I've made myself do.

Overall, I'm just so stressed I could cry and have been watching a documentary on the ocean while stitching to try to calm myself down. It isn't working.

in terms of friends, sometimes losing a friend here and there isn't worth worrying about...at least in my experience. life happens and sometimes you won't have time for them or you're able to find new friends that are even better than the ones you lost. if your old friends were so great, then why are you no longer talking to them?...that mentality, anyway. it's hard to hear and even harder to work through, but i know you can persevere.

i don't know about the asexual thing, per se, but when i was in college, i didn't seem to care about having relations with anyone, male or female, and an acquaintance of mine suggested that i was asexual. it sounded right at the time, so i went with it. i'm not saying whether your mom is right or not, but maybe you're stressing out too much in other areas to be able to really focus on what gender you would rather be with. college is just stressful, period, and with all the other issues you're dealing with, no wonder it's something you're not sure about.

with the art bit, see if you can handle do a little bit of both. do some safer pieces and some not so safe pieces and see what sells better/faster. if people like the edgier stuff, awesome! it's always good to have a back up plan, though. i hope this helped.